Hey Bear fans, old Gus is back and he brings with him some very important insider information, that only the kin of a Chicago Bear could bring you.

 

A lot of people have been asking me over the past couple weeks, "What's wrong with your brother?" "Why is Rex so inconsistent?" "Why does Rex keep turning the ball over?" Well, I am here to answer those questions.  The truth is, Rex hasn't suited up since the Giants game.  Coach Smith and Jerry Angelo decided that the only way the Bears are going to win the Super Bowl is if they have Rex healthy, and so they did not want to take any chances with him for the last month of the season.  And because Brian Griese may be needed in the playoffs if Rex gets hurt, the Bears decided they couldn't risk him either, so they chose to play Kyle Orton instead.  So, starting with the Jets game, Kyle Orton with a fresh hair cut and shave, started wearing Rex's uniform during the games and was the starting QB.  The Bears employed a homeless man to dress up as Kyle Orton on the sidelines so that no one suspected anything. 

 

The Bears great scheme ran into some trouble after the Jets game, however.  The Bears offensive game plan was obviously geared toward Kyle Orton and not Rex Grossman, as the Bears barely passed the football and let Thomas Jones run 8 straight plays, resulting in a FG to open the second half.  When writers and radio hosts kept referring to the Jets game as a "Kyle Orton game plan" game, Lovie and Jerry got nervous.  Was everyone on to their little trick?  Was Kyle's cover blown?  So, to prevent risking their plan from being uncovered, the Bears switched back to the regular game plan, as though the real Grossman was playing against he Patriots.  Unfortunately, the real Grossman wasn't playing and Kyle threw 3 INTs and pretty much lost the game. 

 

I heard that Lovie is mad at Jerry for convincing him to do this and so the real Rex will be back under center this week against Minnesota.  Although, Rex better watch his back, as apparently Darren Sharper is upset with Rex for talking to his teammate using naughty words.  The worst words Darren has ever heard, he said.  Well, Darren better take off his skirt cause Olin is angry at him now and I am not sure about Darren, but I would rather have Rex tell me I suck, than have an angry Olin Kreutz looking for me downfield. 

 

I am looking for a complete Bears ass whooping this Sunday; 31-9.  Darren should also bring a bar of soap on the field so that he can clean out Rex's potty mouth, cause after Rex bounces back from his two week layoff with 3 TD passes, he is going to be cursing up a storm. 

 

Go Bears, Go Rex,